Managing Parent Stress (Especially During a Pandemic!)

Parenting is one of the most rewarding things in the world. But any parent will tell you, it can also be one of the most stressful things.

This has been especially true for parents during the COVID-19 pandemic. As the weeks have turned into many months, parents have had to grapple with an ever-changing normal and the anxiety and stress of parenting has begun to take its toll on many, if not most, parents. As a child psychologist AND a parent, this is a topic that I have not only been keenly aware of but I have also been able to intimately relate to.

Even in the everyday routine of life, it’s not unusual for a parent to get overly stressed. Add to that uncertain times when almost everything else feels stressful, and you might find it even easier to “lose your cool” than usual.

So, how can you keep calm and collected when you’re stressed? And what can you do to avoid taking that stress out on your kids?

1. Try to Develop a “Loose” Routine

Whether you are working from home or working outside of your home, like myself, you want to try to establish some type of routine inside your home for you and your family. Kids and teens thrive on a routine and structure.

This principle has always been true; however, it is even more of a necessity in this current climate when everything seems to be “up in the air” and out of our control. However, make sure that there is flexibility in your routine because these are not normal times and we don’t want the pressure of developing a routine to turn into a stressful experience for the members of the family.

In my home, we have decided that we will select times of the day that always look the same and are consistent. That means that our morning routine has looked the same during this entire pandemic, our evening mealtime routine has remained the same, and our nighttime/evening routine in the home has remained the same. Everyone can find predictability during those three periods of the day and this structure helps things feel relatively “normal” and helps to manage stress during those times.

2. Find Fun Opportunities

Look for fun activities to do with your kids that you’ll both enjoy. If you’re a sports enthusiast, coach your child at home on a favorite sport such as, baseball or soccer. Or if you love music, play an instrument or sing together.

It’s also important to find fun things to do that your child is interested in, even if you’re not. For example, if they love art but you’ve never been great at it, take the opportunity to paint or draw with them. You don’t have to be perfect. The experience itself is what can be relaxing.

These moments of connection are imperative to making sure that children and parents build positive experiences during this time. It is common that when stress levels run high that the amount of negative interactions between a parent and a child also increase. As parents, we must be intentional about creating positive experiences with our children.

3. Take Time for Yourself

It can be hard to find time for yourself each day when you have kids and especially when you are home together all day. But self-care is critical for your mental health.

Even a few minutes of relaxation each day can make a big difference. Take the time to meditate or practice mindfulness each morning. Or develop a nightly routine of relaxation before you go to bed. Take a bath, read a book, or listen to your favorite music to unwind.

I can personally attest to struggling with this during the earlier months of the pandemic (Yes! I know. A psychologist that struggled with self-care? However, I am a human first (smile)). I have found that scheduling time for myself has been necessary.

That self-care time may look like setting my alarm earlier in the morning and using the time while everyone is sleeping, to read or meditate or just ponder about topics of interest. It also could look like scheduling time later in the evening and working out in my house or sitting out in my backyard and taking a few minutes to myself. It requires a much higher commitment to being intentional but it is an absolute must for parents trying to manage their stress.

4. Ask for Support

You don’t have to handle everything on your own. Parents tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, but it’s an impossible feat.

It doesn’t make you a “bad” parent—or even a weak one—to ask your spouse, partner, or if there is a family member that you are seeing during these times, for help with household tasks or other things if you’re feeling overwhelmed. When you don’t have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’re more likely to be relaxed and less likely to lose your cool.

5. Reach Out to Other Parents or Family

If you are in a situation where you are not able to have any interaction with another adult because, for example, you are a single parent and/or do not have any adult support whom you are able to have contact with – then reach out for support virtually.

Support can be found in the form of simply talking to another adult about your stress. In doing so, you’ll realize you’re not alone in your everyday stress.

If you talk to other parents with children around the same age as yours, you will probably find out that you are in the same boat. Realizing that can make a big difference in how you feel. Plus, you may also share with each other how you were able to deal with a particularly stressful situation. There’s power in peer support.

6. Find a Balance

Don’t overwork yourself when it comes to your career, your relationships, or parenting — especially during this time of a pandemic. It’s important to find a balance to your life that doesn’t overwhelm you or cause you to burn out.

With that in mind, find little ways to cut back on the things that tend to take up most of your time. Maybe that means not answering work emails on weekends. Or maybe you can ask your spouse to take your child(ren) on an extended walk a few nights a week or in the early mornings before school and work begin.

Finding a balance also includes finding time to take care of your physical and mental health. That’s not always easy for a busy parent, but it’s not impossible.