It is not unusual after having shared with a caregiver or caregivers that their child has a learning disability that a caregiver will ask me, “What do we tell others about my child’s learning disability? or “Should we tell people that they have a learning disability?”
You may feel like you are having a difficult time wrapping your mind around the idea that your child has a learning difference and, therefore, you are reluctant to share that information with others, including family. You may wonder if they will understand what you are explaining to them or whether that person unknowingly or knowingly will make things worse for your child or make them feel ostracized.
I remind parents that even if you do not understand all of the “ins and outs” of what a learning disability is or what it even all means for your child, you understand what your child has been experiencing better than anyone else. Often before parents even see me for an evaluation, they have some understanding of what appears to be their child’s learning style and how they seem to learn best.
Now of course that doesn’t mean everyone else will understand your child’s needs. Unfortunately, it is true that kids with learning disabilities can sometimes be “stereotyped.” However, most people often just need an explanation as to what a learning disability is and what it means for your child. As the parent, you have the power to educate them.
With that in mind, let’s look at four relevant aspects regarding explaining your child’s learning disability to others.
1. Start With Strengths and Talents and Then Struggles
I encourage you to use a strengths based approach when talking about your child’s disability to others. Focus on the ways your child is resilient and resourceful despite their disability. For example, do they love science? Share that with others when talking about your child! Encourage others to support their love for science. Share with others your child’s hobbies so that they can build conversations around that when interacting with your child.
First share what your child is successful with when talking about your child’s learning disability to teachers, tutors, and even coaches, if they are in those type of activities. When sharing this type of information it’s important to talk to these people individually, not as a group. This will allow you to fully describe your child’s strengths and how they can be harnessed to help them learn. Moreover, when these individuals are well-informed about your child’s strengths or talents they can use that information as leverage when working in the areas your child might be struggling. Those same adults can adapt the way they teach or coach your child by knowing what are both the child’s strengths AND their weaknesses. Ultimately, you are giving them a better chance to connect with your child and the way they learn.
2. Remind People That Your Child is a “Person First With a Learning Difference”
Sometimes when we share that a child has a learning disability people begin to think that every situation, every struggle, and every setback is related to the child’s learning disability. It may take some time but person-first language is the best way to talk about a disability and difference. Person first language places the focus on the child being an individual and takes the sole focus off the disability.
By using person-first language when talking to others about your child, it can be a respectful way to remind others that any differences your child exhibits may be attributed to the uniqueness of that child and not just their learning disability. For example, a child with a learning disability may benefit from a learning environment with short bursts of information, rather than a long session. However, that may not be applicable to EVERY child with a learning disability.
Educating others about your child’s uniqueness can make it easier for everyone —from educators to doctors — to respond to your child based on their individual needs and not to apply or use some generic approach on your child because of their learning diagnosis.
3. Use Easy and Jargon-Free Language
If your child has officially been diagnosed with a learning disability of any kind, you’ve probably heard a lot of psychological or educational terminology connected with it. However, that kind of language can be overwhelming to other people, especially those who are not health care, mental health, or educational professionals.
When you’re trying to explain your child’s learning disability to anyone, use language they can understand easily. This will help them to feel less intimidated by the disability and can give them better insight into how to handle it the right way for the best interest of your child. I encourage you to mainly focus on describing your child’s individual experience and journey with their learning disability so that it is meaningful to others when they are trying to understand what a learning disability is.
4. Don’t Hide in Shame or Embarrassment
As a parent, it’s normal that you would want to protect your child. But if they struggle to do or complete their homework, are frequently in trouble in the classroom because school is hard for them, or have other co-occurring behavioral issues, you don’t have to feel the pressure to hide that information or make excuses so that people don’t know the truth. The people in their lives need to know what is really happening so that they can support you and your child. Having a learning disability or any other diagnosis is not shameful, it is not the fault of a caregiver or the child, and is not something that you or your child should feel guilty about.
For example, if a teacher is reporting that your child is disrupting class or has other behavioral issues, talk to them about any information you may have received from a psychologist in an evaluation about how your child’s learning struggles may be manifesting themselves in the classroom setting. It is not uncommon for children to act out or be disruptive in an effort to hide that they do not understand the academic content or are confused. Collaborate with your child’s school by being open and honest about your child’s disability so that school can become a supportive place for your child.
Again, it won’t always be easy to talk about your child’s learning disability with others, but for your child’s sake, it’s imperative to make sure the people in their life know how to handle any situation that may come up and how to educate your child.
This post also isn’t just about talking to teachers or mentors. These same aspects apply to family members, friends, or even mere acquaintances that come into your child’s life. It will make things easier on your child and help others understand that just because your child has a learning disability doesn’t mean they can’t learn things in their own way or that they are highly intelligent and capable of great success.
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If you’re struggling with explaining your child’s learning disability to others, that’s okay! Feel free to contact me if you feel like you haven’t been able to communicate your child’s challenges the way you want to. Together, we can work on more solutions and ideas you can use to explain the situation to others in a productive and effective way.
